Today, I came across the episode God’s Will For You: Where Purpose and Passion Collide of the podcast As For Me and My House. I’ve been following Milena Ciciotti on Instagram for a while now and she and her husband very recently started their own podcast. This particular episode couldn’t have come at a more opportune time for me.
A little back story: last summer, my husband and I realized that me being on the truck all the time cost too much, and so we made the (somewhat hard) decision that I’d try to get a local job while my husband continued his long haul trucking job. The reason it wasn’t harder than it was, was because we both knew this would only be temporary. We came to the conclusion that we’d have to options come spring 2019: either he’d get a local job or I’d get my class 1 license and get back on the truck, this time doing my share of driving and thus earning my keep, so to speak.
(My husband is not a cheapskate by any means, but food in the US is very expensive if you have to pay for it in Canadian currency. Too expensive if you have two eaters and only one working for it.)
The next problem we ran into was this: since I have no experience with driving a truck, the training school wanted me to take a full driving course, costing $10,000. Yes, you read that right. My Texan friend recently informed me that in the States you can obtain a professional driver’s license for around $200 dollars.
We didn’t have $10,000 lying around. Which meant I couldn’t sign up for the course, which in turn meant no truck license. We even went to the government for help, but were informed at best they would float us 3 to 4 grand; not even half of what we were in need of. This wasn’t really helpful to us because we couldn’t even afford the rest of it; nothing.
We tried everything. My dear husband racked his brain trying to come up with solutions. And he tried so many different options, just none of them seemed to work out. I won’t go into too much detail, but after a while we seemed to get the idea that maybe me going back on the truck is not where I’m supposed to be right now.
On the other hand, him getting a local job at this time is impossible too. He has come up with so many ideas there too, and none of them worked out either. It seems like there are forces at work trying to keep us in square one. Which can be scary sometimes, considering how fast time moves on. The year is a quarter of the way through, and we are further behind than ever before on our plans.
The very transparent truth is this: right now, we’re stumped. We know nothing. We’re neither here nor there.
Yes, Darren has a good paying job right now, and I have a part time minimum wage one. We’re surviving.
But I have a very intense desire to DO something. To create, and inspire others, and make something of my life. I want to thrive. I want success. (By success I don’t mean wealth.) And I believe that those desires are planted within me by God himself, and he will bring to light eventually what it is that he wants me to do.
For now, for the next weeks and months, it may be serving customers Kung Pao dishes and making Caesars, but I know that I don’t have a future at my current job. (How I know that is a blogpost in itself, haha.) I do not want to spend my whole life working a minimum wage job making other greedy people rich. No way.
The truth of my life is this: currently I don’t know what my next step is. I wish I did, so that I could work towards taking it and prepare myself for it, but I don’t. All I know is what my next step is not.
I believe often we’re too impatient in life to get to the next milestone. We’re impatient because life is going by so fast. We want to accomplish something before it’s game over. I believe ambition is a necessary step to success, however I know that I need to learn to be patient on the step that I’m on right now.
After all, the longer I have to wait for the next step, it only means God is taking extra special care to make it that much more awesome, right?
I’m not depressed, I’m not anxious, I’m not sad. I’m doing okay. This year isn’t what I imagined but it’s okay because I know God is working on it. I know that because we did everything we could. We tried it all. Only God can do more.
If you’ve ever found yourself in a similar situation, why don’t you share your story in the comments? You just might be a blessing to some other reader today!